Confidence on demand: the simple trick to looking self-assured
What is it about someone that makes them look confident? I was thinking about this while
idly people-watching in a local café recently, noticing how immediately my eye was drawn to those with an upright posture, alert expression, obvious and easy engagement with those around them, and a ready smile.
“In terms of radiating self-confidence, our posture and body language count for a lot.”
For those for whom good posture and poise are par for the course, they may always look confident – but that doesn’t mean that they always feel it.
Of course, appearances can be deceptive – making assumptions about how others are projecting themselves isn’t always helpful. But in terms of radiating self-confidence, our posture and body language count for a lot.
It’s also a tool that we can learn to use to our advantage: when we look confident, we create a more positive impression and can inspire those around us.
How body language can improve confidence
Psychologists have long known that our body language has a direct effect on how we are perceived by other people.
Professor Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, has identified that only 7% of communication comes down to what has actually been said; 38% is communicated by our tone of voice, but over half of what we communicate – 55% – comes down to body language. Improve this and we can immediately convey a more confident attitude.
This can be easier said than done. I remember the acute lack of confidence I initially experienced in my first publishing job. During a get-to-know-you lunch with my welcoming new colleagues on my first day, I felt so nervous, clumsy and flustered that even swallowing felt difficult. Inevitably something went down the wrong way, and I had a coughing fit that alarmed everyone, not least myself.
“Improving your external presentation resonates internally, making you feel more confident.”
We all have days when we feel low in confidence, so it’s good to know how to give ourselves a boost. Sometimes, as your grandmother might have said, you have to ‘put a brave face on things’.
Faking it really can help you to make it, because improving your external presentation resonates internally, making you feel more confident.
Go back to what looking confident looks like – relaxed open posture, good eye contact, a smile – and invest some time in practising this. You can then use these cues at times when you need them most.
How to feel grounded
Growing up, our changing bodies may have taken us by surprise – it’s not always easy to feel confident about suddenly growing taller or more visibly female. Trying to hide away or minimise those uncomfortable feelings can last into adulthood, often returning when we feel challenged or nervous.
Pause for a moment and think about how your body feels when you’re relaxed and confident. Then think about how it is when you’re feeling unconfident. Tense? Shaky, perhaps? Not very grounded?
Physical exercise can be a good tool to reinforce our physical confidence. Our bodies are built for movement and simply reconnecting to them in this way can have an immediate, beneficial effect on how we feel about ourselves generally.
Activities that also focus on the breath, such as yoga, swimming or Pilates, provide another way to feel centred. Seeing ourselves as physically strong helps us to feel mentally strong, too, building our confidence overall.
How to feel calm with this quick exercise
Here’s a simple exercise to do whenever you need a quick boost to your confidence.
- Shake out tense feelings through your arms
- Gently rotate and relax your shoulders
- Lengthen your neck and look directly forward
- Engage your tummy muscles and ground yourself through the feet
- Breathe slowly and rhythmically, stand tall and relaxed, and ease into a more confident state of mind.
Reinforce these positive feelings by smiling and saying to yourself, ‘I’m confident’. And if your body feels it, you will, too.
